House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s outspoken style has done little to boost her popularity. She’s among the least-liked leaders in Congress, according to the Washington Examiner. No wonder women don’t often speak their minds. Those who do tend to come across as pushy and brash, says Debra Johanyak, Ph.D., professor of English at The University of Akron Wayne College. Johanyak hopes to squelch these stereotypes and guide women to speak more directly through her new book, "Say What You Really Mean!" (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2014).
Debra Johanyak
“Despite the success of feminism on many fronts, some women don’t know how to say what they really mean, or feel uncomfortable doing so,” says Johanyak, whose book explores reasons for women’s uncertainty and offers suggestions for speaking up in a forthright way.
Stop taking a backseat
Put into historic context, women have not had the same opportunities or rights to vocalize their thoughts as men. For instance, rather than discipline their children as they see fit, women tend to lean on the old “Wait till your father gets home” adage. Likewise, women often take a backseat to their male counterparts, both personal and professional. Their stifled communication frequently leaves women disappointed and discontented. Consider the spouse who stews silently over her husband’s uncharismatic complaining or the staffer who can’t say “no” to her supervisor’s request to work late, even when she has family obligations.
While indirect conversation isn’t exclusive to women, Johanyak says more women than men feel constrained from speaking directly because they have had fewer public speaking opportunities and positive role models. Concurrently, prominent women role models who capture media attention still go unheard by women en masse. Just look at recent headlines in which First Lady Michelle Obama’s tweed Michael Kors suit overshadows her plight to curtail childhood obesity.
“When you look at media reports of Michelle Obama and Kate Middleton, it’s all about their hair, clothes, shoes or attitudes and with far less attention to their politics, their positions, or their perspectives,” Johanyak says. “There are not many positive role models of women who speak out, as being either attractive or successful. Some women leaders have been assassinated, for example, or are often not taken as seriously as their male associates.”
Promote understanding
Johanyak asserts that speaking up politely and respectfully and with an eye on timing, context and verbiage helps to promote understanding and avoid conflict. She punctuates that often, timing is everything.
“Times to be more reserved include when we don’t know someone well, when tensions run high or in complex situations with much at stake. An emotional situation, such as illness, divorce, or death requires a cautious approach as well,” Johanyak says.
Among the many reasons women tend to speak indirectly or seldom at all, they may come from generations of women who were raised to be quiet and to stay in their place. Men, instead, do the talking and leading, according to Johanyak.
Direct and clear the way to go
“Also, many women are empathetic to others so they hesitate to say anything that might be construed as negative or harsh,” says Johanyak, who advises women to tap into their beliefs, sensibilities and confidence to articulate succinctly and clearly and to avoid misconstrued communication. “I’ve seen so many types of indirect communication cause more harm than good that I felt compelled to speak up in this book in hopes of helping women become more aware of the need to be direct and clear.”
Johanyak’s "Say What You Really Mean!" draws upon research and personal experiences and observations. The book has been featured in recent news media, including the Michael Dresser radio show and a November 2014 Marie Claire article on how to say “no” nicely. Also, Johanyak will discuss her book during a May webinar hosted by Library Journal. Johanyak’s previous books include "Behind the Veil" (University of Akron Press), a memoir about her sojourn in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, and "Shakespeare’s World" (Prentice Hall). Johanyak also wrote and directed the film, "More Than Chance."
Media contact: Denise Henry, 330-972-6477 or henryd@uakron.edu.